Mental Valley

I often wonder how you’d feel now. I mean, I’m relatively the same shape. You’re relatively the same shape. So this is something I wonder. But wonder puts a hurting back into my thought process. So many things I should have tried. A single time I should’ve cried.

Ah, it was a weird day. That conversation had so many twists and turns. I feel like puking just from thinking about it. But what I failed to realize were that these were twists and turns on small mountain roads that were completely free of guard rails. But, such was our relationship. And in a single moment, a solitary failure, I drove it right off the side. Killed it, baby. Dead.

But who am I kidding, it only matters because everything since has failed. Nothing but multiple night stands. Only because a lusty need, tends to get filled, until the cup runneth over. So, one night tends to miss the mark. I miss all of them though.

When I say I miss them all, I don’t mean the sex. Because honestly, that was all anxiety, bordering on angst. What I miss is that half hour or so before the sex. When you know you’re in. When you know you drank all your milk and now it’s time for all that chocolate syrup at the bottom. Oh, you live for that shit!

Now that my orgasms are www, this and dot com, that…I haven’t felt that in awhile. I haven’t felt the slow hand on my back or the sleep in my arm because I didn’t want to untangle myself from her.

But I digress. I am sorry my timing sucks and I didn’t cry until recently. I’m glad you’ve stayed on the road and now found the right road to your dreams. And as soon as I pull myself out of this valley, I’m hoping to have a chance with someone else. You know, one more chance to steer right.