…but if it wasn’t for my head, I’d be all right. I got all these thoughts, you know? Thoughts of money. Thoughts of fame. Thoughts of pride, honor, titties…lots of thoughts. But they don’t ever take me in a straight line and it’s fucking annoying man.
I remember when I was a kid, playing with my toys, I used think how lame toys were. Yet, I had to have them. But kids are psychotic, so I let it go. But now I am older and still collecting toys. Transformers are now video games but hell, they’re still toys.
You want to know the stupid part? I sit in my house, alone, trying to figure out why I am alone. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience. I can sit and watch myself do this.
Hmmm.
I’ve had plenty of girls. I mean for a guy who has been overweight his whole life, I have had plenty of girls but I only ever got two to stick around. One was an innocent sunshine who burned out and became the darkness of infidelity. The other was (is) a beautiful creature. Together we made a creature. But seven weeks in, that creature decided it wasn’t ready for the world. Shortly after, we just became reminders to each other of the life that almost was. I don’t cry for her though. I don’t need too. We walked the entire road we had. We both took a turn and found we were no longer heading in the same direction. I have nothing but fond hopes and memories of her.
In the spaces between, in the times before and after, it has been all haste and temporary. I think it’s wrong to think I can change. I know there’s a girl who won’t expect me too. I have to rest my hopes on that. I mean, shit, my mind can speed up pretty fast in those times, when I am remembering, those times. Sleep, would be incredible.
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